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Rising Star
No it is not immature of you. You are establishing a boundary! It is incredibly rude of him to hang up on you, and it is both hurtful and not conducive to communication. If he can't bother to treat you like a human being worthy of respect, and worthy of being heard, then he should not have the privilege of being in your life.
Chief
I’m so bad about this lol - I always hang up on my BF when I’m mad - it’s my way of disengaging before saying something mean or going too far. He understands this now and we have a deal that if I hang up it’s on me to call back or pick up the conversation again regardless of who is actually in the wrong.
I’m guilty as well. Sometimes I just need to cool off so I can think straight again. If I realized I’m at fault, I go back and apologize. If I still feel he is at fault, I go back and tell him how I feel about the situation and try to talk it out. If it gets heated again, I’ll repeat. My husband initially escalated the argument by getting more angry by my response, but after many years of working through how we work as a couple and talking through how we want to solve disputes, he has learned that I just need time to cool off. I also give him space when he is in the moment so he can cool off as well.
Rising Star
Walk away. This man has a long way to go before he is emotionally mature. Huge red flag. Does he also ever block you? Stonewall you?
He only wants your advice when it's convenient for him and when he wants to hear it. Which isn't often given he's emotionally immature and not able to figure out how to address his anger in a healthy productive way. This is a red flag. Time to stand up for yourself and find someone more respectful of you.
In the past he’s hung up when he’s super angry about conversations that some how involve us both. Which I’ve expressed I think is very rude. This morning, he called me very heated about an altercation he had with his roommates. I listened and listened and finally offered the advice of “well you can’t change their actions. All you can do is change your reactions and if it gets bad enough - find a way to move out when you can”. I think he really wanted me to agree with him and validate that he was treated unfairly. However, the advice I offered is truly how I see it! Anyways, after I said that he went “cool” *click* and hung up on me 😒.
I just can’t help but feel like it’s insanely disrespectful and a deal breaker for me.
I get heated at times but generally able to stay above the belt. I think both of you need to work on communication. You say you bit your tongue waiting waiting to say your piece. The response tbh was preachy. Well intended but preachy. It doesn't excuse his hanging up but put yourself in his shoes too.
He's pissed about his roommates. I don't know what altercation but let him blow off steam. You can empathize without agreeing and don't be condescending. You seem aware that you may not have been acknowledging his feelings. Validate in that it's understandable that he's mad. Maybe his roommate was in the wrong but maybe not. You can't expect people to move on without feeling heard. I had to mediate between two roommates on this once. It was an intense fight but we got through it by first acknowledging each person's frustrations without taking sides then shifting to finding a middle ground to get us through the lease. Without that, they would have continued to escalate.
As a couple, you should be on the same team. This means helping each other be better. This is not blind agreement but supporting by listening and giving them what they need and not what you need. Talk to him and have an open conversation from both sides. Share what it is you need too. It's fine if you say it's over if he hangs up but only say this if you mean it and not as a childish threat. I have walked away when someone resorted to an ultimatum to bully me into doing what he wanted and he was shocked but that's the reality of ultimatums. Don't put it out there unless you really are ready to accept those consequences.
Why are you willing to accept his rude behavior? You deserve better. Expect and demand better.